a lie you didn't know
by cyclothimic
Summary: "Paragon of Humanity, it's ridiculous" / "No, it's not. I've told you time and time again that you are good, even when you never wanted to hear me out. And now, look, even the multiverse has recognized you as its savior." l or Lena is the Paragon of Humanity, and kind of hashes it out with Kara during Crisis.


**crisis was...a coward move, through and through. it was just a way to prop up oliver queen's ass. a way to trap us all in with its promising characters. a coward way out for writers to respawn mistakes. it was stupid.**

**so i did some tweaking - and here's what happens if Lena had been the Paragon of Humanity, like she deserved to be. **

**now, read, ponder, and enjoy!**

* * *

_She is dangerous when she is hurt. She can easily destroy everything around her, but she doesn't. Instead, she destroys herself._

_-Aletta S._

* * *

There had been more times than she would like to admit where she had yearned to just hang up the cape and put the boots in the very back of her closet and let that life be; where she had stared at herself in the mirror and no longer recognized the face looking back at her; where she woke up in cold sweat after having a nightmare that no one normal should be having.

Sometimes, she would come home from particularly painful battle, both mentally and physically, and just collapsed on the floor and wondered to herself why she had even stayed with this life at all. She had seen and heard and fought too much – almost lost her life more times than she could count. Supergirl had been around for a little over four years, and she was _exhausted. _And just when she was thinking of actually taking a little break, the Monitor had to show back up with his stupid smug face and tell her that her world was going to be destroyed in less than a day.

She _really _wanted to hang up her cape at that point.

Sure, at the beginning, it was thrilling and exciting – she was doing the exact same thing her cousin was doing, only in her own city – and she had felt _really _good. Being a hero was…vain; honestly, a part of her hanged on to the cape because it bolstered her self-esteem like nothing had ever had.

Well, yes, that was, until she walked into the newly rebranded L-Corp CEO office with her cousin, fully expecting to find some dirt, only to find herself oddly enamored with a certain raven-haired, green-eyed, red-lipped CEO.

Of course, the first time Kara saw Lena Luthor; she really didn't expect the youngest child of what was probably the most notorious family on her earth to be…well, the Paragon of Humanity. But now that she was here, looking at the screen, eyes wide and heart pumping, it really wasn't all that difficult for her to wrap her head around.

Because despite the multiverse and a metahuman who was sometimes faster than her and her ex-boyfriend's mother trying to take over the earth and the realization that her mother had been alive the whole time she had been on this planet and her sister being an integral part of a black-ops agency that had been hellbent on taking down her kind, finding out Lena Luthor was the Paragon of Humanity was…the _least _surprising of them all.

Unable to help herself, she could only smile at the screen, where Lena Luthor's regality was displayed not nearly enough but had definitely impressed her world-saving fellows, judging by their gob-smacked expressions, including Kal. Oh, if only these people had actually been lucky enough to really meet Lena and spend enough time in her brilliant presence.

Lena Luthor, the Paragon of Humanity, because _who else_?

"This is _fucking _bizarre."

Kara smiled from the observation deck that faced the sun, arms curled around her knees as she leaned against the wall that directly allowed the sunlight to hit her. She was unashamedly eavesdropping – if she didn't get to see Lena, then she would privilege herself to the sound of the woman's voice.

"Really?" Clark's voice came in reply.

When they had to send people to get Lena, Kara immediately removed herself from the equation, garnering a pitiful look from J'onn and confused looks from pretty much everyone else. They didn't know about everything that had transpired for Kara to be so proud and so _pained_ at seeing the CEO's face show up. She didn't offer any explanation, only a strained smile before escaping to the observation deck.

She didn't exactly tune in to who they had decided to send over to Earth-1 to get Lena, but she was surprised to hear Clark talking to Lena. She narrowed her eyes and focused on the conversation, ready to bolt and make herself known if _anything _distasteful was done or said to Lena.

"It probably shouldn't be, right?" Lena said with a chuckle, seemingly a little too relaxed despite her earlier verbal consternation.

"Well," Clark remarked with his own chuckle, which surprised Kara, "you've been on a spaceship and almost got married. Driven an alien spaceship without even reading the manual. Singlehandedly saved the world from Reign. Managed to enter the Dark Valley and come back out. Took a huge step in curing cancer. Stopped your brother from world domination _again_. Smart enough to make synthetic Kryptonite. Just recently, I heard you were trying to turn the whole world _good_." None of that, Clark said with any sort of malice. In fact, he didn't even sound hateful at Lena. He was just…speaking facts. "So, yeah, the multiverse probably shouldn't be."

"You know a lot about me, huh?"

He made a placating noise. "My cousin talks about you _a lot_."

Kara winced, arms tighter around her knees. Okay, she and Clark were going to have a long talk about discretion and secret keeping. And to think that he managed to disguise himself as a bumbling journalist for as long as he did.

There was a long pause, and then Lena veered away by saying, "You don't seem angry that I can and have made synthetic Kryptonite."

"I was. And then Kara sat me down and gave me a good earful about it."

The CEO chuckled darkly, which was something Kara kind of saw coming the moment those words left her cousin's mouth. "Rather hypocritical of her."

"It's not about that," Clark said, and Kara wondered where he was going with it. She wished she could use her enhanced vision to _see _them, but she supposed the line should be drawn at eavesdropping. Enough privacy had been invaded between her and Lena, bolstered by lies and omission that tore their friendship apart. "It's about you, and it's about me."

Kara frowned. Her confused sentiment echoed by Lena when she made a curious hum.

"I'm sorry, Lena, for pretending that I've never known you at all." Kara's eyes widened; Lena sucked in a sharp breath. "I don't – there is no explanation for it, other than the fact that I didn't want to think about what would have happened had I been more truthful with your brother in the first place or cared about you a little more instead of being so determined to catch him. But you – I remember there was one time I went over to the manor, and your brother was out horse riding, and you were out at the greenhouse, very casually talking to the gardener about the more complicated elements of photosynthesis other than the sun and chlorophyll and the likes. You remember that?"

"Yes," Lena offered in a subdued tone, "and then you brought me out for strawberry ice-cream in your rickety car. It was…a memory that I try not to think about as well, admittedly."

"And then you told me about how you always try to sneak your pocket money to the cook and the gardener because they have kids who don't live in the same house as you. Then you asked me to look over your homework, even though you did them all right, despite having skipped two grades. I don't know why you did that, but –"

"It was a very lonely house, Clark."

And then there was only silence for a prolonged moment, where she listened to the rhythmic beat of Lena's heart and the slowed expansion of Clark's lungs. "That day, it made me realize how you different you are from your brother, even though you two are _unfairly _smart," he added with a laugh. "Smarter than us Kryptonians, even." He cleared his throat and seemed to shuffle his feet. "I should –"

"It's not the multiverse, Clark." Her cousin hummed questioningly. "I've been trying to breach the multiverse since I was 16 – this isn't exactly – well, it _is _thrilling, but the multiverse is not the bizarre part."

"What is?"

Lena breathed shakily, like she was unsure about her next words. But Kara could guess her thought process; that the man in front of her was, essentially, the superhero who flew her out of the manor when her brother went so mad to want to blow the place up, that he was the one who brought her to taste strawberry ice-cream for the first time, that he listened to her talk about science that he had no idea about.

"Paragon of Humanity?" Lena whispered, almost hissing.

Kara's heart _ached_, but she fought the urge from rushing over to the bridge to shake Lena for even doubting herself.

"From what I know about you, which is admittedly not much but I'd like to get to know you more from now on, if you don't mind, and what I've heard from Kara the whole time she's been building a friendship with you, I think you fit right where you are, Lena Luthor." Then there was a smack, probably someone smacking their hands together. "She really does care about you, Lena. I know it's…painful and maybe even unforgivable, but she didn't lie to you just because she could. I hope you know that."

* * *

Soon after, her cousin joined her at the observation deck, though he drew closer to the window than she did. But they were both facing the same way, the same kind, the only two to worship the sun now, truly.

Kara rested her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, basking in the sunlight while pondering the conversation she'd overheard. She'd always seen Clark as the younger but older cousin, who could never truly share Krypton with her, who had ditched her with the Danvers because he didn't want the responsibility, who had always overshadowed her.

But now, she saw a man who made mistakes and was trying to correct them, starting with one Lena Luthor.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Clark crossed his arms, still facing the sun. He nodded.

* * *

Sooner or later, they would have to meet. It was inevitable. Kara didn't exactly have any expectations of how they would meet again, but it certainly wasn't this.

She had chosen to hide somewhere else after having had enough of the sun, brooding in the galley with Mick. Surprisingly enough, the food fabricator was capable of creating Aldebaran rum, which was strange, considering aliens didn't exist yet on Earth-74. But she certainly wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, and oddly enough, a quiet Mick was good company. He didn't pester or ask questions; he just let her drink with him.

She had only taken one sip when the whole ship started flashing red, alarms blaring rudely overhead. Sharing one look with her bald companion, Kara rushed towards the source, followed shortly after by Barry. Her eyes widened at the sight before her, so much so that she couldn't even allow herself a short inappropriate minute to admire Lena.

There, in the brig, was the Paragon of Humanity holding a gun that must have been procured from the cargo bay, fuming at the sight of her brother, who was very much alive and smug in his cell. But it was easy to realize that Lena had figured out how to disable the cell, considering she had one hand confidently on a keyboard, ready to make her move.

"_Lena_," Kara gasped, holding an arm out but hesitating to actually touch her. To be very honest, she'd quite like to watch the woman kill Lex one more time after all he had done, but there was also the problem of –

"Ms. Luthor," the Monitor warned, emerging out of nowhere with Harbinger by his side.

Lena snapped her eyes to him, glaring, and then _ignored _him – god, this woman was really something else – to switch her glare to the only person she was even _remotely _close with on this ship. "And here I thought you meant it when you said you'd never lie to me again."

Those were the first words Lena had spoken to her since the Claymore satellite. And it still hurt, to hear to vitriol and distrust directed towards her, of all people.

"I –" Kara knew nothing she could say would convince Lena. She threw a quick glance around the room, seeing curiosity from her teammates and anticipation from Lex.

The truth was she had been too scared to confront Lena to even talk to her, and she had escaped the bridge before they could determine who would bring Lena here. Apart from her cowardice, there was no opportunity to tell Lena anything. And honestly, if she had stayed on the bridge a little longer, she would have reminded Clark to tell Lena about her brother's survival before anything else.

"I'd advise you not blame Supergirl for this. I was the one who saved his life, after all," the Monitor tried to alleviate, a grave look on his face. Lena opened her mouth, but he cut her off with, "I am the Monitor."

Squinting, Lena stared at him for a long time, so long that it drew the room into a state of suspense, with everyone waiting for her to say or do _something_. "Well, get the hell on with it. Am I supposed to know who you are with that ridiculous name?"

The Monitor blinked. Harbinger bristled. Some of them had to muffle their laughter by covering their mouths or looking away, while the others only raised their brows in surprise. Meanwhile, Kara could hardly fight a smile from appearing on her face. Lena Luthor, everyone, the Paragon of Humanity and the face of stony sarcasm.

Eventually, he explained himself and his role in the crisis they found themselves in. And undoubtedly, the CEO launched into a diatribe about the complete evilness that Lex embodied, how he could and would betray anyone and everyone, the things he had done to her and to the Supers – without looking at either of them.

"He's likelier to kill everyone in this room, including you, than rescue the goddamn multiverse," Lena spat, gun still tight in her hand.

"I think you mean Supergirl rather than everyone else," Lex decided to chime in, the smirk ever present.

Lena didn't respond. "He was _dead_. The world was _safer without him_."

"I'm so proud of you. You've never sounded more like a Luthor."

She snapped around, disabling the cell with one hand while training the gun on him with another, throwing the whole room into a state of panic. Kara's enhanced vision easily clocked in on the fact that the safety was definitely off, which meant Lena definitely meant business.

"Last time, it was your chest. This time, it's gonna be your head," Lena said, voice low and flat – Sara even stepped back in slight fear.

"Lena!" Kara yelled, rushing forward to stand between the gun and Lex, as much as she hated to. She trained her gaze on her best friend – because Lena was always going to be her best friend, no matter what – and said, "Please."

The raven-haired woman studied her, expressionless, because that was a talent she had honed after having a brother inciting genocide across a city. And then she threw a scathing look over Kara's shoulder at her brother before swiftly locking the safety and tossing the gun to Sara, stomping out of the room as fast she had come in with a gun.

* * *

What happened?

Well, what happened was that she and Lena were finally alone together in a room – unintentional on her part; she couldn't say for sure about Lena. What happened was that they spent an inordinate period of time just staring at each other, one stammering while the other cold but visibly uncomfortable – Kara suspected she was probably one of two people who could see that. What happened was that Lena was about to turn to leave, and Kara did the stupid thing of calling her name and pulling on her arm to stop her – there should be comfort to be taken in the non-existence of the animosity that swirled around in Lena's eyes just days ago.

What happened was they were about to talk. She didn't know how. Maybe she would be given a chance to properly grovel, prepared to kneel at Lena's feet and swearing eternal fealty. Maybe Lena would take the opportunity to yell at her some more, breaking her heart by the breaks in her voice and the tears welling up in her eyes. Maybe there would be nothing said between them, a momentary truce within this time traveling tin can and a multiverse crisis in their hands.

Honestly, Kara didn't know. What she did know was that she would take _anything _to be able to look at Lena for more than five seconds, to revel in her presence, to be quietly proud of the fact that the woman was the _Paragon of Humanity_, despite Lena's unrelenting attempts to convince her and their peers the opposite after having learned Kara's identity. Hell, even when she was essentially doing bad things, her endgame was for the whole world to be _good_ – Rao, Kara loved her.

It was what happened _next _that got Kara considering whether she should just the Monitor himself if Harbinger hadn't done it herself. What happened _after _got Kara doubtful of her _person_, because if Lex Luthor could practically do anything he wanted to thwart all efforts to save the multiverse, then what good was hope, anyway?

"I'm glad you're alive."

Her eyes snapped to the doorway of one of the dilapidated rooms of…whatever this place was. Lena stood there, bracketed by the broken panels, looking comfy in the casual clothes that Sara had lent her before they were transported here. And yet somehow, she embodied regality like no other.

She also looked doubtful, back to being uncomfortable. She bit into her bottom lip and lowered her eyes to the sneakers that she stole from the cargo bay on the Waverider. Kara tried not to be attracted to that sight.

Instead, Kara nodded with a strained smile. "I'm glad you're alive too," she whispered. "_Very_ glad."

"What I'm _not _glad about is that I have to work with my brother in this junk place," Lena commented, throwing a distasteful glance around here. "Is there even functioning technology here?" she muttered to herself.

At that, the Kryptonian couldn't help but laugh, only to quickly cover her mouth with her hand. The CEO returned her gaze to Kara, a rare smile tugging on her lips. Kara watched her carefully as she sighed, stuck her hands in her back pockets, and made her way inside the room to stand beside Kara. They leaned against a table that looked about to collapse in any second and looked at the transparent whiteboard with indecipherable equations scribbled all over. Well, Lena looked at it; Kara was just staring at her.

"I'm still angry at you," Lena said. Kara's heart sank. "It feels meaningless – this anger, in the middle of this crisis. But I can't help it. I can't – it doesn't go away just like that."

"You have the right to be angry."

"Do I?"

"The end of the world doesn't mean you have to stop emoting."

"I'd say that's bullshit." Kara blinked at the randomness of the curse. Lena crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "You lost hope."

Sucking in a sharp breath, the blonde looked away, crossing her arms as well. She would have walked away, but this was rare now, to be able to just stand next to Lena without hearing spiteful words. Plus, Lena had always been able to see into her soul, no point pretending that walking away would do any different.

She stared down at her boots, scuffed and dirty. Later, she decided, she would go and ask Sara about replenishment and fresh water – the woman seemed to be the only one to understand this place. And when she found clean water, she would take a long shower, wash away the stain of her alternate universe cousin's death, scrub away the loss and death she had witnessed in less than a week, rinse away the hopelessness.

"How are you doing?" she asked, glancing at Lena. "With the multiverse, being a Paragon, and then losing the multiverse entirely?"

The raven-haired woman threw her a sardonic chuckle, returning her gaze to the board. "I've learned to take it in a stride. It can be tiring resisting the wonders of the world than to just go along with it."

"Tell me about it."

"Paragon of Humanity," Lena muttered, uncrossing her arms to start playing with her fingers, an action that Kara was trying very hard not to get absorbed in. "It's ridiculous."

"No, it's not." The other woman turned to her, eyes wide in surprise, and seeing the extent of Lena's disbelief in her own goodness once again wrenched at Kara's chest. "I've told you time and time again that you are _good_, even when you never wanted to hear me out." She raised her brows with a teasing. "And now, look, even the multiverse has recognized you as its savior."

Lena narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "Look at you." She smiled, a genuine one, unrestrained, optimistic. "Still some hope left."

Kara blushed. "I don't –" Sighing, her hands propped against the dilapidated desk behind them, her head thrown back. "I've lost…everyone. And I don't know if I'll ever get them back."

There was a moment of reluctance, where Lena hummed and Kara listened to the anchoring heartbeat. "You have me."

Lowering her head, she gazed at Lena sadly. "Do I?"

* * *

A millennia ago – here they were. A man who was too ambitious, a wife who was too smart, and three Paragons trying to save the multiverse.

It didn't take long for Lex to deviate away from their original mission to forward his personal goals. Thankfully, knowing her brother, Lena had already found out what his plan was without him actually telling it. So when Lex finally went on his own merry way, the other two didn't exactly panic. They just followed his trail to the epicenter of the city.

Kara couldn't help but tilt her head up to the sky, even though not even her enhanced vision could help her locate the one planet she was looking for. But this was a millennia ago.

"Does Krypton exist at this time?" Lena asked, breaching into her thoughts.

Kara hummed nonchalantly, hands behind her back so she wouldn't accidentally touch the other woman. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Must be quite the bloodline."

A chuckle. "Luthors are pretty impressive too." Lena raised a single brow in Kara's direction, skeptical and bemused. "You make Luthors impressive. You're gonna make more impressive Luthors," she added without much of a thought, until she finally heard her own words and stopped in own tracks, mirrored by Lena. "I –" She cleared her throat and smiled in embarrassment. "Sorry, I shouldn't have –"

"The multiverse is dead. I don't think it's the proper time to think about kids," Lena only replied, and resumed walking. Kara followed.

And there he was, trying to convince the Monitor that they could benefit one another by working together. _The Brave and the Bald _– which one was the brave and which one was the bald? Oh well, they didn't have time to think about that, because Kara suddenly found herself busy with subduing Lex and Lena had to reverse all of Lex's hard work.

"You are…remarkable," she heard the Monitor compliment Lena in the midst of all that chaos.

For a short moment, she allowed herself to smile, and then saw the man before, unwavering in his evilness and selfish tendencies, the person who had been the very reason behind Lena's broken heart and inability to fully believe in someone. Kara didn't allow herself to hold back from attacking Lex.

* * *

Things, somehow, weirdly, unbelievably, got wilder after that. The Dawn of Time. Meeting the Anti-Monitor. Watching Oliver sacrifice himself to restart the universe. Waking up on an earth where she existed on the same plane as her other friends, which was just plain exciting. The icing on the cake, however, was finding out that she was _married to Lena Luthor_, who also apparently remembered everything that had happened.

So as much as Kara had wanted a clean slate with Lena, it wasn't at all possible with the fact that Lena and she were probably the only ones who really knew the fractures in their relationship and exactly why a marriage wouldn't work in this new reality. Not if Kara ever wanted a restart of her relationship with Lena that wouldn't be haunted by lies and pain.

It was all stiff and weird and _bitter_, having to pretend they were a happy couple to all those who didn't know, especially the people of National City – though truth was that she had always dreamt of this, a marriage, happy, maybe even a family, with the one good Luthor heir who had always believed in her despite all the ups and downs they had been through. The trust was evident in the way Lena didn't question her when she brought her to the DEO and they were all briefed on the remaining existence of the Anti-Monitor.

Lena didn't even hesitate when they all had to come together to confront the Anti-Monitor again, using her bare hands and technology to try and suppress the villain while the aliens did their best to shrink him. And just when things got dire, when it seemed nothing could work and time was running out, when Kara felt like there wasn't really a choice, she decided that it was time.

Go big or go home.

So, disregarding the fact that everyone else was on comms and desperately fighting for the universe's fate again, she spoke.

"Hey, Lena," she called out, seeking the woman out among the shadows and the violence.

Her _wife_ looked up and locked eyes with her, still aiming and shooting even without looking – a real hero. "Yes, Kara?" she asked, patient, like she knew this was important.

Oliver sacrificed himself. Barry had wanted to on so many occasions, and almost did on as many occasions. Who was to say Kara wasn't allowed to pull a sacrificial move herself? And if it meant Lena and Alex and _her people _got to leave, she didn't think she would have any regrets.

"There _is _one lie you still don't know about me," she said softly, positioning herself and looking away from Lena after she was sure there was no more memorization to be done in her possible last moments.

There was a moment of hesitation, and then it seemed to click for Lena, because, "No, you don't get to do that."

"It seems like the only time."

"That's a cowardly move and you know it, Kara Zor-El."

Kara's eyes widened and she looked sharply at her wife again. Lena was staring up at her, a vicious glare unrelenting in its anger, though not without…love. Kara laughed a little and shook her head. "I _am _a coward when it comes to you. I think we've already established that."

"Supergirl, you –"

"I love you." Kara smiled and shrugged at the shock that took over Lena's expression. "Being married to you has been a _dream _of mine. I love you. With all my heart. With everything in me. I am so scared of you, because I love you so goddamn much."

"Kara –"

She straightened herself in the air, allowing the strong airflow to blow away her tears. "Just please, remember that I love you," she whispered, and started flying towards a gigantic Anti-Monitor, regrets wringing her heart.

* * *

"I love you too," was the first thing Lena said when Kara returned to their shared penthouse – because they were _married _– after the meeting with the so-called Justice League.

Kara froze, halfway into the house, and stared wide-eyed at the raven-haired woman. "You – you do?"

"There's a lot to talk about. So much to smooth out. And I am still _so _angry at you."

"I – yeah, I know. I get it."

"But I love you, nonetheless."

Kara breathed a breathless chuckle, stepping fully into the house and making her way to Lena, stopping only when their chests almost collided into one another. She scratched at the back of her neck and nodded with a helpless smile.

"Good, because I honestly don't know how to live in the same house as you and pretend like I hadn't just opened up my whole heart to you." Lena smiled as well, albeit small and restrained, but Kara would take anything she could get. "It's gotten _really _fucking bizarre, hasn't it?"

Lena laughed at Kara's choice of words. "You can kiss me," she said after a nod.

"I – I can?"

"We're married, aren't we?" Lena challenged.

Kara didn't need much incentives after – she certainly wasn't going to question this so much until the other woman would retract her permission. She stepped forward, allowed her arm to slither around Lena's waist to pull their bodies together, without restraint, without space for air. This was all she wanted since the moment she realized Lena was trapped on a Daxamite ship and all she wanted was to pull a Prince Phillip move on the woman.

And when they kissed, her brain lit on fire and _electricity _spread throughout her entire body. In an impossible feat, she _pulled _closer, basically entangling their bodies together and merging their souls to warrant no escape route, one hand reaching up to cup gently the back of Lena's head. When Lena whimpered, Kara shivered, traveling through the atoms and failing to make sense of anything as she allowed herself to get drunk on the sensations.

Her heart _sang_, continuing to echo when Lena finally pulled back, their eyes inches apart.

"I'm still very angry at you," she whispered.

"Okay, _wife_," Kara replied cheekily.

Lena hummed and gulped, which made the blonde gulp as well. "I'm still very angry at you, _wife_, but if you don't take me to bed in the next second, I will never speak to you again."

Swooping down without even giving Lena warning, Kara lifted Lena up as she pressed their lips together, laughing as Lena yelp into her mouth. Her wife made a demand, and Kara would never _not _oblige. From now on, whatever Lena asked, Kara would never fail to give, she promised.

* * *

**also IF SUPERCORP ISN'T CANON AFTER ALL THAT BUILD UP IM GONNA COMMIT **


End file.
